


I Don't Know

by PrincessFreak



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Awkward Conversations, Character Study, Comfort/Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Incest, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, Shame, Sibling Incest, Turtlecest (TMNT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29926890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessFreak/pseuds/PrincessFreak
Summary: Leo and Donnie argue.
Relationships: Donatello/Leonardo (TMNT)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	I Don't Know

Leo paced around the room, his mind whirling and jerking about like a terrible carnival ride. “This…” His head hurts. “This isn’t supposed to happen!” He yells. “We’re BROTHERS,” he exclaims, his arms wide.

“. . .” Donnie can’t add to the obvious, all he can do is watch as his brother starts shouting.

“How is this not bothering you?!” Leo asks, finally turning to his brother, voice loud and almost accusatory. “Aren’t you mister rules and order?!”

Donnie crosses his arms and looks to the side, suddenly finding it hard to look him in the eye. “I don’t see why it’s bothering YOU so much. I mean, yeah in an ideal world I wouldn’t want to be fucking my own brother. But what’s done is done.” He sighs deep, he can already feel the bags forming under his eyes from the sleepless nights to come. “We can’t really do anything about it now…” His voice is tight, and he has to pause before he tries to defend himself. “Besides, incest is common in the natural world. And we’re the only human-turtle mutants here. In all honesty, it was probably just a matter of time.”

The excuse sounds weak even in his ears, but it’s not necessarily a lie either. It’s the only justification he’s been able to come up with these past few years.

“But that’s the problem!” Leo argues, immediately finding ways to poke holes in an already delicate statement. “We’re part human! Humans aren’t supposed to fuck their siblings!” Leo practically slams his hands on the desk in front of Donnie.

“Well what do you want me to say Leo?!” Donatello yells, unable to hold back his anger anymore. He hates feeling like he’s the only one at fault here.

“I…” Leo scrunches his eyes, placing a hand on his head. “I don’t know… I just--’ He breaths, trying to gather the words. “ I just need something that makes sense right now,” is the best he can come up with.

Donatello runs with it, far too bitter not to be a little petty. “You want something that makes sense, Leo? I’ve been crushing on you for three years now. I could only hold myself back for so long,” he explains, and he doesn't miss the way Leo’s eyes pop open at the confession. “Trust me,” he adds, voice soft and cracking. “I tried.” He looks back up at Leo, eyes tearing up, but anger setting his gaze ablaze. “If you didn’t know this, then why did you fuck me?!”

“I don’t know!” Leo yells, his voice harsh as his words pours out. “I…” he turns away, unable to face Donatello like this. “I didn’t even know you actually wanted to… I just got so wrapped up in the moment and I went with it and, and….” He can’t even put words to it, it’s too complicated, too weird, and he isn’t even sure _what_ he was feeling, _what he was thinking._

“You, Leo,” Donatello points, voice grandiose and mocking. “The king of charisma, the face man, didn’t know I was into you? I think even Raph and Mikey know!”

“I-- I mean!” He stutters. “Some part of me knew, but I just…” _Just what?_ “ I just didn’t want to accept it I guess?” _Is that what it was?_ “And part of me knew I was into you too, but I just didn’t want to let myself…” He trails, trying to think of the best word, before giving up. “I don’t know. It just wasn’t something that was supposed to happen!”

“Well… it happened,” Donatello states, pushing the cold reality. “Now what?”

“You’re asking me??” Leonardo asks, caught off guard and now he has the added stress of solving something that can’t be solved. His mind is already overwhelmed as it is.

“Well you’re the leader, aren’t you?”

“But you’re the science dude,” Leo argues back. “Can’t you just make something that can erase our memories or something?”

At that Donatello freezes, his heart aching and his body going stone cold.

“...You want your memory erased?” It barely comes out as a whisper, and he couldn’t stop the pain from seeping into the question no matter how much he tried not to let it show.

“Don’t take it like that…” Leo tells him, his voice soft and low, the anger from it almost gone once he realized what it sounded like. “I didn’t mean it personally…” He shouldn’t care how hurt his brother was from the question, it’s incest and they don’t have anymore room for personal feelings like that, but he can’t bring himself to be heartless.

Donnie feels his rage bubbling up. “You are asking me to erase your memory of fucking me. How is that not personal?”

“I just… Ugh I don’t know,” he groans out, his whole inability-to-communicate issue really starting to bug him.

“Yeah I can tell, you’ve been saying that a lot,” Donnie states with a bit more bite to his tone than his normal sarcasm.

“. . .” And Leonardo doesn’t know how to respond.

The room is silent for a solid moment, the air tense enough you could slice it.

“A mind eraser would be impossible…” Donnie decides to state, willing the subject to change, not wanting to suffer through a second more of silence, even though it probably hadn’t even been 5 full seconds. “I can do a lot, but my expertise is more in the engineering range. Physics, chemistry, even biology, but not psychology.” And it’s true, psychology is not a firm enough science for him to keep interested in it. It’s complex, and poorly understood, not really something up his alley. “I wouldn’t even know how to begin. If you really want your mind erased, can’t you use magic?”

Leo sits himself down on the table. “Magic doesn’t work that way.”

Donnie raises an eyebrow, expecting him to elaborate.

Leo groans, his mind frustrated at being slowed for something so inane as explaining the details of magic. He slouches with a huff and leans on his hands. “It can’t change what’s already happened. At best I could temporarily distract my mind from it with an illusion. But it would only ever be temporary.” He thinks back to the magic he’s seen Hypno do. It’s definitely not his brand of expertise. “And I’m not even good enough to do something specific like that.”

Donatello leans back in his chair, arms crossing over his chest. “Oh no, looks like you’ll have to live with the fact that you’ve fucked your corrupt brother’s ass.”

Leo can feel himself bristling at the comment. Donnie always knows how to be an asshole at the most inconvenient time. “I already told you it’s not a personal thing!”

“Then tell me, what is it?” Donnie asks, his voice raising “Why is it so horrible to fuck me if you have no problem being attracted to me?”

Leo matches his anger, confused on how Donatello can’t see the issue. “Isn’t it obvious?! It’s incest, Donnie!”

“Okay, and?!”

And?! _And?!_ What does he mean ‘and?!’

“Don’t you feel disgusted?!” Leo shouts, truly feeling like he’s losing his mind here. “Don’t you feel ashamed?!”

“Yes! Of course!” Donnie shouts, and though Leo’s still angry, he feels a little ounce of relief. “But it’s already done so I’d rather live with it than pretend it never happened!” Donnie tells him, as if that was obvious from the start. “Wouldn’t you?! Aren’t you the one that never gets phased?! Why are you being such a coward?!”

“I’m not being a coward!” Leo is quick to defend.

“You’re acting afraid of something that no one else will ever have to know, how is that not cowardly?”

“Because I’m not afraid!” Leo yells, his hand slamming down on the table. “I know no one else has to know! I just…” He pauses, clenching his eyes shut to prevent tears from welling up. He can’t handle crying on top of all of this. “It just isn’t something that’s supposed to happen!” His voice gets louder and louder, and it’s hard to hold himself together. “We’re supposed to be better than this! I’m angry that I let myself do this!” His voice is harsh, and it cracks at the end. He curses his throat. Now it’s obvious just how close he is to breaking.

A wave of silence washes over the room, Donnie too shocked to respond right away.

“You want to forget… because you’re angry with yourself?” He asks, voice quiet, trying to be gentle.

Leo lets himself fall backwards on the table, tears falling down his cheeks because he can’t keep them in anymore. All he can do is place an arm over his eyes as if that could hide them.

“Yes…” He replies, voice crackling and quiet.

He sounds broken. 

Donnie wheels the chair forward, coming close to Leonardo’s head. It’s been a long time since he’s seen his brother cry, and it makes his chest hurt. It reminds him how serious this situation is.

Donnie strokes the top of his brother's head, letting Leonardo’s whimpers fill the room.

“Are you not angry with yourself?” Leo asks, voice tight between sniffling and sobbing, peaking a red eye out at Donnie.

Donnie gives him a soft, comforting smile. “Not really. I’m more focused on what I should do now. I’ve spent a lot longer being angry with myself for having a crush on you.” And boy has he. Sometimes the nights seemed like an endless train of him beating himself up. But in all honesty, this situation has calmed the angry conscience demon in him in almost a relieving way. Like being paranoid of an attack for days, building up that anticipating fear inside you, and the day the attack finally comes, the relief that it’s finally over outweighs the pain.

“How do you deal with it? Doesn’t it hurt you?” Is all Leo can squeeze out of himself.

“All the time.” And for something so sad, Donnie tells it to him with such a soft and calming tone he might as well be reaffirming his brother that he loves him.

And that breaks the walls down for Leonardo, as he curls into full blown sobs while Donnie tries to comfort him with soothing touches. Tears fall down Leo’s face harsher than Donnie has ever seen, and he gets tissue out for his brother’s runny nose. He whispers soothing words, laying his over Leo in the best hug he could do while his brother’s body is still lying on top of the table.

When Leo has finally cried himself out, he leans into Donnie’s touch, staring off into space, nose and eyes red, his body limp, Donnie decides to ask the leader a question again, more so to get him out of his own head. 

“What should we do now?”

“I don’t know,” Leonardo says once more, his voice heavy and tired and a bit hoarse. Donatello’s hand against his arm feels nice, and he closes his eyes, taking all the warmth from the touch he can. He feels so lost. “Can we just stay here, like this? Forever?” He gives a half-hearted smirk and Donnie gives a sad chuckle. But, Leo truly doesn’t want to go back to the real world again. He’d rather stay in Donnie’s arms forever.

That’s the irony of it. If Donnie weren’t here right now, he wouldn’t have gotten into this situation in the first place. But he still can’t imagine going through it without Donnie’s help.

“For a few hours at least,” Donnie states, sad but content in an oddly bittersweet way as he tries to smooth away the already visible exhaustion from Leo’s face.

“A few hours it is then,” Leo affirms, closing his eyes before he starts crying again.

**Author's Note:**

> The irony in the title is that originally I was just gonna put "idk" and leave it at that before I came up with the name


End file.
